とんずらこいて！

So I caught up with one of my friends from high school today.  And by "caught up" I mean that I saw that he had written an interesting note on Facebook, which then led to my Facebook stalking him to answer the age-old question: "whatever became of so-and-so?"  Come to find out my friend who I hadn't talked to in years that graduated with me from a high school in rural(ish) Arkansas is now living somewhere in Northern Africa (Egypt maybe?) doing who knows what, but probably (knowing him) having to do with something religious and missional.

All of this caused me to think of my own life and where I am.  At first, my thought was that my life isn't nearly as exciting as his and that I wish my own life were more exciting.  But upon further reflection, I found that this was not really true.  After all, life is as exciting as you make it and living in Mobile, AL as a vicar is nothing to sneeze at.

My subsequent thought, then, is the one that stuck with me and has caused this post: I'm so terribly American.  The American stench pervades my language, my culture, my worldview, my life.  Individualism is all I know, tolerance is my primary value, and self-centeredness is how I roll.  And perhaps this thought is merely a culmination of the thoughts bubbling forth in my last few posts, but I am truly disgusted with myself in this respect.

I don't want to be American.  I want to be Christian.  (Not American Christian.  This is a merging of American ideals and Christian teachings that is so mismatched and wonky that it really doesn't work.  It's like Christians trying to believe in Evolution.  The two just can't mix coherently.)  I want to have a perspective that is not centered on America, but on Christ.  I want to be able to think like God's child and not like his spoiled brat.  I don't want to be American.

And to achieve this, I must go.  I've got to get out of here and be someplace different.  Someplace where people don't think like me.  Someplace where people are waiting to hear the Gospel proclaimed in their cultural context.  I must go!

But instead, I'm jumping through hoops.  I'm jumping through the hoop of Seminary.  Then I'll have to jump through the LCMS World Mission hoop.  Maybe somewhere in there I'll have to jump through the more graduate school and doctorate hoops.  Even then, I'll have to jump through the which-churches-are-we-friends-with hoop, the funding hoop, and others.  And while I'm jumping through hoops, my friends are already out there, making a difference.  And that frustrates me to no end.

And so I sit here tonight frustrated.  Frustrated that I'm hopelessly American.  Frustrated that I'm not out there.  Frustrated that I can't hardly see the end for the hoops.

So I pray that the Father would give me patience, that he will send me where I can proclaim his Word, that he will make me less American and more like Christ through the power of the Holy Spirit.  In Jesus' name I pray.  Amen.